Let SPRING Begin

This was Turkey Bowling at it?s absolute FINEST!!!
Just as any good shootout is supposed to start at High Noon, that is exactly when
this tournament started. Six regulation alleys were ready and waiting for the teams
of highly skilled Turkey Bowlers. There was strict adherence to the Professional Ice
Turkey Bowler?s Association of Riverview (PITBAR) Code of Conduct as well as the
rules and requirements. The exhaustive list of regulations is far too lengthy for this
article. Everyone certainly followed the important rules.
Rule #1 – We are here to have FUN !
Rule #7 – Never turn your back on a TURKEY !
That rule needed to be repeated a few times for several unnamed individuals.
Rule #12 – Your bowl of Chili goes much better with a Beer.
AMF has not yet started production of an automatic pin setter machine for Ice
Turkey Bowling (maybe by next year) so, we had to rely on actual people. Bet you
didn?t know that Riverview Wisconsin has the absolute best world class pin setters.
Each and every pin stood tall and proud, ready for the next sliding frozen gobbler.
It was reported that the teams were “tipping” their setters with extreme generosity. I
mean really good – well I mean at least a Beer and a hug.
Turkeys were ?ying back and forth on the Ice as each team of 4 bowled 5 frames.
The skill, determination and enthusiasm had never been seen before at this
Tournament (don?t tell anyone that this was the ?rst year ever). We had Music,
Food, Raf?es, Prizes, Fire Pit, Wonderful Warm Weather and the Premiere
Announcer in Wisconsin for this event. Mr. Don Demmith provided live
commentary for the day. His grasp of the Sport of Turkey Bowling is second to
None. (I think None is the name of the Guy who was bowling in Lane number 4).
12 Teams Participated
After taking several practice “bowls” the turkey?s were hurling down the lanes in the
?rst round. Seeking a coveted Turkey Bowling Trophy and Cash Prize, it was
Strikes, Spares and plenty of 7-10 splits. Perhaps the best thing about Ice Turkey
Bowling is that there can be NO GUTTER BALLS. (No Gutters – No Gutter Balls)
The top six teams advanced to the second round of bowling. This was the
SERIOUS round of bowling. That means the value of the winnings goes way up.
No expense spared. The winning team from the second round was awarded a
beer of their choice with 4 straws. Only Kidding.
One Pin Challenge
Following the second round we had a take a chance challenge. See who can
knock down one pin by sliding a frozen chicken down the entire length of the
Hockey Rink.
So many people lined up to have a try at it that Bob said “It looks like they are all
lined up to have a dance with the bride at a wedding reception”. He was right!
The idea of selling slightly bruised Turkey Sandwiches after the event was
apparently not a very good idea. All of the frozen birds were donated to the
Lakewood Zoo. Casey?s got some Fat and Happy Lions over there. Still trying to
?gure out how Casey won the One Pin Challenge? Nice Shots!
All in all this event was one FANTASTIC EVENT! Those of you who missed it, well
you did miss it. Do NOT let that happen next year! The proceeds from this event
are for the support of the Riverview Ice Rinks. We raised quite a lot of money this
year. Sure is nice to have some fun while supporting a good cause. Great Job
Everyone !!!
One more thing….
Sure was nice to see the “OLD HENS GONE WILD” team.
TEAMS & RESULTS
Team Name Score Finish Place
Halfway II 289 1st
Old Hens Gone Wild 256 2nd
The A-Team 232 3rd
The Tator Tots 220 4th
Townsend Turkeys 210 5th
Pressure?s On! 202 6th
Tail Feathers 196 7th
Halfway I 188 8th
god & Us 157 9th
Just Us 147 10th
Tardy Turkeys 146 11th
The Hot Dogs 112 12th
Individual Score Team
Dave Hedman 83 Halfway II
Chris 84 The A-Team
Large Richard 84 Tail Feathers
Jason Zimmer 103 Halfway I
Special recognition goes out to TK of Halfway II for bowling a “TURKEY” (3 strikes
in a row) in the last frame. The team with the lowest score would be the winning
team had this been a Golf Tournament. All others were jealous of their prize – a
cornish hen for each team member.
Remember it is never too early to begin practicing for next year. Only problem is
?nding an available Ice Turkey Bowling Alley!

TEAMS & RESULTS

Team Name Score Finish Place

Halfway II 289 1st

Old Hens Gone Wild 256 2nd

The A-Team 232 3rd

The Tator Tots 220 4th

Townsend Turkeys 210 5th

Pressure?s On! 202 6th

Tail Feathers 196 7th

Halfway I 188 8th

god & Us 157 9th

Just Us 147 10th

Tardy Turkeys 146 11th

The Hot Dogs 112 12th

Individual Score Team

Dave Hedman 83 Halfway II

Chris 84 The A-Team

Large Richard 84 Tail Feathers

Jason Zimmer 103 Halfway I

Tommy asked his Mommy “What do I do when that Bowling Ball comes at me?”  “Well Tommy” says Mommy “JUMP! Tommy JUMP !”  “I will Mommy, I will” replied Tommy.

Anyone still confused about Turkey Bowling ?  It is a sight to see, those ten turkeys standing tall at the end of the alley waiting to be “striked” by the hurling bowling ball.  We tried that but, those darn birds wouldn’t stand still.  Next idea was to find ten pinheads to gather at the end of the lane.  It wasn’t easy to get those guys to stand up straight in proper formation.   After assigning each guy a number, we were able to have them stand shoulder to shoulder in a perfect triangle.  So, when Mighty Casey let the bowling ball rip the first time, it was a gutter ball.  Not very exciting.  Second ball went right down the middle striking six of the pinheads with bruising force.  Man oh man did they scream in pain but, not a one of them fell down.  Seamed like a good idea at the time.  Next attempt was to use actual bowling pins on an ice alley.  Let’s throw the turkey not a bowling ball. Problem was – those darn birds didn’t like being groped. Finally figured out where to grasp the critter.  Time for bowling.  On the third step of the approach it was a foot fault crossing the foul line.  To no one’s suprise that vocal turkey cried FOWL!  Next time up – clean approach, great release and that silly bird took off flying.  Not what we wanted.  Bad turkey.  Gave the bird a five minute time-out.  The bird was lectured on how this game is to be played, without any flying.  Here we go again.  Excellent release hitting the marks, looked like a for sure strike.  Couldn’t believe the mess.  All those feathers and that GOBBLE GOBBLE noise.  All that for a 7-10 split.

So glad to be able to clear up any confusion you may have had about how the game of Turkey Bowling is played.

See you all at the Riverview Ice Rinks on February 19th at High Noon.

One more thing… You sign up your team. We supply the turkeys.

Who needs skates to have fun on the Ice Rinks?
All she had to do was to say “Daddy” and the best slide ride in town would start again.

Thanks Kassidee for bringing smiles to all of our faces.

Notice to all Hockey Players – Chicken Soup is now being served !!!

Apparently this Winter’s ?u-cold-ickies has attacked the ranks of the Saturday Morning Hockey Players.

Players will be required to bring a Doctor’s Note next week before being allowed to participate.  If unable to obtain such a note because you

were NOT SICK, your excuse had better be amusing.  Also, Kassidee’s Grandmother has agreed to post pictures of all the missing hockey

players on the Post Of?ce Wall.  (with the exception of those who already have a position of honor on the MOST WANTED WALL)

Riverview’s Ice Skate Rejuvenators have done such a wonderful job of readying your donated skates.  It may be too good of a job.  Word is

out that “WE GOT THE SKATES”!!!

Seems there have been quite a few “?rst timers” that wear size 5.  Please help us ?nd a few more skates – look in the garage this time.

While in the garage see if you ?nd any hockey sticks.  We have them lined up in a rack at the Hockey Rink.  Some are getting pretty tired !

One More Thing ….

We are getting ready for Ice Bowling in Riverview – No I didn’t say the Ice Bowl – I said Ice Bowling …

We have recovered from the “Spring Rain Storm”
Ice is good and ready for Skaters !!!